MY CONVERSATION WITH BILL MURRAY

Well, I couldn’t resist giving it a try.  Bill Murray famously has no agent and no listed phone number, but legend has it that he has an 800 number which he never answers, and only occasionally checks for messages.  It’s said he missed out on several plum roles in movies because of this, checking his messages way too late to respond to an offer.  It’s not easy finding this number either, but I decided to undertake the search. I had it in mind I’d invite him to come to Havre de Grace to say hello to one of the audiences at the Bill Murray Film Festival that we’ve organized for this coming February.  

Bill Murray’s 800 number is very elusive if you try finding it on the Internet. A buddy of mine in the film industry said he could find the number, and one day he called me up and said “Here’s the number!”  

You’d think I would call immediately, but even though I knew I would only be leaving a message, I got all choked up.  The idea is, say something that will get him to call you back. What could I say?  “I’m a fan of yours and I’ve organized a small Bill Murray Film Festival in a small town in Maryland?”  I figured if I could entice him some way to call me back I could invite him to come for the Festival.  After racking my brain for a few days for an imaginative hook, I finally came up with the obvious solution.  Just tell him straight out why you called.  So I left this simple and bland message:  “Hello, Mr. Murray, I’m calling to invite you to a special event at the Opera House in wonderful Havre de Grace.  Please call me back so I can give you the details.“  And then I waited.  Would it surprise you to learn that I got a return call the very next day?  

“Hello.  This is Bill Murray calling for Jack Hirschfeld.”  I confess I was blown away.  

“Yes, Mr. Murray, I’m Jack.”  

“Call me Bill.  I have three brothers and all four of us are in show business.  ‘Mr. Murray’ is our dad.” 

“Well, Bill,” I said, “I guess you’re calling me back because you’re curious about our Bill Murray Film Festival here in Havre de Grace.”

“Yeah.  Tell me more. What, when and where.”

“Our city has renovated an old opera house, which dates back to the middle of the 19^thcentury, into an up-to-date performance venue where we feature plays, music, dance and film. I’m involved in the scheduling of the movies. When we agreed last year to show Groundhog Day on Groundhog Day, I came up with the idea of having a small Bill Murray Film Festival.  So, we’re going to be running four of your films in succession in early February.”

“I’m honored.” Long pause.  I thought he’d hung up.  “I’m really honored.  What movies are you showing?”  He sounded really sincere to me.

“Well, Groundhog Day of course, followed by Caddyshack, Lost in Translation, and Moonrise Kingdom.”

“That’s an interesting list.  How’d you come to pick those?” he asked.

“I thought we’d run a contest, where people could send in their favorites and tell us in 25 words or less why it’s their favorite.  I slapped a flyer together announcing the contest in local social media, but we only got a few responses.  So I figured I’d have to pick them myself.  Not an easy task, since you’ve been in almost 90 movies.

After talking it over with some folks. I created a matrix in my head of four kinds of Bill Murray movies --- the early comedies, the “serious” movies where you take on a dramatic role, the Wes Anderson movies, and pictures where you only have a secondary role.  That last category went off my list in a hurry, because we’re only showing four films total.”

“I see.” Bill said.  “Even so, how come those titles?”

“Well, I picked Caddyshack because for all its crudity, it was a breakthrough movie, and you shared the screen with a bunch of very funny guys.  A bit risky, but I thought I’d take a chance… Also, in some ways it falls into my discarded fourth category.”

“Makes sense.  I probably would have picked something else… but go on…”

“For the serious film I had a tougher choice to make.  Personally, I’m a big fan of The Razor’s Edge, but I’ve discovered over the years that my high opinion of that film is not as widely shared as it ought to be.  I considered Broken Flowers, but in the end it was a toss-up between St. Vincent and Lost in Translation.  Lost in Translation seemed like a good bet.

Picking a Wes Anderson movie was really hard, but it wouldn’t be a Bill Murray Festival without one.  Rushmore came first to mind – such an underappreciated film – but I thought Moonrise Kingdom was a perfect fit for the screening date, which happens to be a new moon and the first moon of the Chinese New Year.  What do you think?”

Again there was a long pause; I thought Bill had hung up on me. But then there came a kind of squawking sound, followed by something that sounded like a chicken cackling.  Then some more silence, and then Bill said, “Nice flicks. Sorry I can’t be there, but have a good time anyway.” Click.

You might ask why I don’t publish Bill Murray’s 800 number.  Ask away.  The truth is, I never got hold of that number.  And my conversation with Bill Murray?  Well, that didn’t actually happen either. It was really just a daydream.

But if you got this far, you’ve got to be interested in Bill Murray and his movies.  The contest is still open – it runs until Saturday, January 26.  Just finish this sentence in 25 words or less:  “My favorite Bill Murray movie is _____ because…” and send it via email to artsalive@hdgartscollective.org.  Three levels of prizes:  Different quantities of free admissions to the Bill Murray Film Festival.

For tickets, go to OHHdG.org, or at the HdG Visitor Center, or at the Arts Emporium on Washington St in downtown Havre de Grace.